Korean Wedding Diary: Meeting the Parents

Hi Lovelies! Sorry, it's been wayyyyyy too long since my last update! Things have been exciting since announcing my engagement! A lot of people back home have been kind of curious about the marriage process in Korea, so I thought I'd write a little series of posts about wedding planning in Seoul. The first one is advice for meeting your Korean bf's parents! Not as scary as you think, I promise!

This was my worst fear.

Well, maybe a little scary lol. I was terrified they'd think I'm messy or immature or totally impossible to relate to as a foreigner. It was great though! Read on for some tips for meeting the parents for the first time.   LF and I got engaged earlier this year, but the wedding planning process is long for us. It's funny--many Korean couples only take a few months to get engaged and plan their entire weddings! We're planning two weddings however, on here and one in the States, so coordinating that means we needed about a year to plan.

I'll get into the details of the process later: choosing a wedding planner, venue, gifts, hanbok, etc. The first step is meeting his parents if you haven't already! Let's be real: your SO probably wouldn't be proposing if you haven't already met his folks. Korean men tend to take their parents' opinions of you into account even more than Western men and that goes double if he was raised in a conservative family. LF's parents are very conservative and hold a lot of old Korean values, so I was quite nervous. My confidence was minimally bolstered by the fact that his parents had known about me for about a year and didn't seem to take issue with him dating foreigner.

If you haven't met your boyfriend's parents yet, don't panic. It's normal here for men not to introduce a gf to their parents until they're super serious (as in planning to marry her eventually). The timeline for couples varies though. In our case, we started dating summer 2014, I met his folks in fall 2015, then he proposed spring 2016. It can be frustrating if you've been dating someone for a long time and still haven't met his family, but try to be patient. :)

   Now when you finally meet them, what to do? What to wear? What to expect? I can only relate my experience, so I hope it's helpful! Keep in mind, LF's parents are conservative Christians, so I went out of my way to free and behave modestly. However, knowing what I know about Korean parents, it's a good idea to dress modestly when meeting them even if you don't know what to expect. Please take this advice with a grain of salt. If you've never worn a dress in your life, I'm not saying you have to lol. Just some friendly suggestions to make both you and them comfortable. ^^

What to wear:

1) Clothing: Modesty should trump fashion in this case, but if you can find something both cute and toned down all the better. You basically want to look put together but not overdone. I recommend a dress or skirt and blouse--not too short, not showing any cleavage. Avoid sleeveless tops, high heels, and too many accessories. Pantyhose or tights help you look more conservative and sensitive to Korean fashion standards. You don't have to dress for a job interview, but look nice and demure.

This is the dress I wore--simple and sweet.

2) Makeup: As you probably expected, less is more. Think fresh faced and natural! If you're not sure, check out some of the No-Makeup makeup tutorials online for how to achieve an enhanced but natural look. Some BB, CC cream, or light cushion foundation with concealer as needed, light wash of eyeshadow, mascara, touch of blush and barely there lip color. I recommend skipping eyeliner too if you can as it makes your face look "stronger." If you can't skip, maybe just tightline it.

3) Hair: Not as strict, but try to keep a conservative style that stays out of your face. If you have a really unnatural color, you might want to tone it down the first couple meetings.

What to bring:

1) Bring a gift--this is nonnegotiable.You probably know it's custom in Korea to bring a gift when you go to someone's home the first time. This is, of course, a very personal choice, but the usual suspects are food, flowers, small gifts for the home, etc. I think seasonal foods are a great choice! When you meet your SO's parents the first time, it will probably not be in their home however. Most couples these days do the first meeting at a restaurant or something. We met at one of those multiple course Korean restaurants, as many couples do. It was good! You can show off your ability to eat and enjoy Korean food and talk about the different dishes. There was another couple there in the same boat, so I felt some solidarity with the guy being introduced to his gf's folks.

Anyway, we met in fall, so I made a persimmon spice cake topped with candied walnuts to bring a bit of autumn flavor to the afternoon. If you have no talent in baking, don't sweat! There are plenty of bakeries selling gorgeous seasonal cakes and breads. Don't go with anything too fancy or frilly, though (no birthday cakes or overly sweet confections). If you bake it yourself, try fashioning a cake box with the gift boxes and ribbon available at stationary stores (or Daiso haha). The next meeting, I had dinner at their home and brought a potted flowering jasmine plant (he said his mom has tons of plants on their balcony) and a big box of...I think pears? Hard to remember haha.    

Pretty, right? I heard they ate the whole thing in one sitting haha.

Extra tips: 

1) Caffiene up! We met his parents for lunch on a Saturday and we're still groggy the night before, so we waited in a cafe by the restaurant. You definitely don't want to look tired, but cheerful and bright eyed. Get that coffee! 

Me getting my coffee fix while LF naps just before the meeting <3

2) Know as much Korean as possible. Even just greetings and basic phrases are better than nothing! This might go without saying, but being able to converse in Korean on a basic level made things go soooooo much more smoothly. They'll  probably be both impressed and relieved, and either way it shows you're making an effort to understand their culture.

3) Familiarize yourself with Korean dining customs. Insist they eat first, be helpful by setting out utensils and pouring drinks. Eat everything they put on your plate (Korean moms like to make you eat haha).

4) Be careful with the PDA. Again, this might be obvious, but try not to cling to your SO even if you're nervous. Even hand holding unless they initiate. Just for the first meeting, you can relax more next time. ;)

5) Expect to stay a while. After lunch, his parents treated us to coffee at a cafe in Olympic Park and we walked around. There was a festival, so his Mom bought us ddeok and took a lot of pictures. The whole thing took about 4 hours.

It was a beautiful fall day ^^

6) Be prepared to answer personal questions, including the infamous "why do you love my son/daughter" question from every drama. They might also discuss your appearance, so just be ready.

   

Overall, it was a great experience meeting LF's parents! We were all a little awkward and shy, but they warmed up to me pretty quickly. I thought they were very kind and felt relieved they seemed to accept me for their son. I've met them a number of times since, but I was really happy outer initial meeting went well given the horror stories I've heard from other couples.

Any stories to share or questions about meeting your Korean BF/GF's parents, please comment below!  Kisses~<3  

Korean Dating: Pensions and Weekend Getaways

Hi Lovelies! Shhh... whisper to me: have you ever been to a pension in the countryside with your lover??

I just got back from a romantic winter weekend getaway with the Lovely BF (LBF) and felt inspired to write about this charming facet of Korean dating.

Road trip time!! ^o^

Y'all know that Seoul is a huge city with lots to do, but sometimes it's nice to get out of town with your SO. Especially when the weather has been such crap!

This is what Seoul looks like lately. 

So maybe you need a break? You choose a destination with pretty scenery and fun activities, then you need a place to stay. Maybe you want something a bit nicer than the tacky love motels/minimalist minbaks or a bit cheaper than the expensive resort hotels. Why not try a pension?

Korean pensions are like romantic guesthouses for couples. Well, they're not necessarily exclusively for couples but clearly have that in mind. Some of them have themes and decor that range from cute to cheesy--sometimes tasteful, but rarely elegant. These days there are more elegant options, but they're pricier. There have been more spa pensions popping up, which are kind of like tiny spa hotels.

Fancy! Read on CNN for more info. ^^

They're usually cozy, however, and try to make a lovely space for couples to spend a day or two enjoying each other's company. There's usually a big bed, a hot tub, a nice TV, a balcony for watching sunsets, swimming pool, etc. Some offer free breakfast. There's also usually a grill and picnic area so you and your sweetie can make cook BBQ together (because nothing says romance like samgyeopsal and beer lol). I'm not totally sure, but I think prices for basic rooms usually average from 100,000 to 200,000 per night.

LBF just decided to take me on a spontaneous long weekend to Seonjaedo, a little island near Incheon.

For getaway destinations, check out CNN Travel's list of 33 beautiful islands to visit in Korea!

It was freezing cold, so our beach walking hours were limited, but the winter sea was lovely and walking on a snowy beach was pretty magical. Even better was relaxing in a hot tub with champagne ad watching the snow outside! We also cooked our own BBQ for the first time, which was super fun and delicious! ^^

LBF is an excellent cook ;)

Not sure what to pack? Keep in mind that when visiting the country, you can keep it casual compared to Seoul.

See Korean Winter Weekend Getaway by luhunnie for shopping info.

I suggest bringing the following essentials:

• weekend bag or cute backpack
• a warm ass coat, cuz Korean winters are cold af
• sunscreen--wear it every day, even in winter! 
• a good rich lip balm with SPF
• boots! I like some heavy duty ones for snow outside and comfy ones too. 
• warm clothes, like fleece lined leggings and sweaters.
• cute PJ's (or sexy lingerie, depending on your style)
• rollerball fragrance (you don't want to bring a big bottle and risk it breaking)
• champagne, because duh <3

I returned to Seoul feeling refreshed from our short trip, so I highly recommend booking a weekend in a pension as a cure for the city blues!

Lovely weekend trips are my cure for Korea's bitter winters. <3

What are your favorite weekend destinations outside of the city? More importantly, does your BF allow you to post his pics online? Maybe I'll talk him into it one of these days ㅋㅋㅋㅋ.

7 Things I've Learned Being a Fat Girl in Korea

Hi lovelies! I'd like to talk briefly today about a subject that's very close to my heart, especially as I'm in the middle of a career transition. Many people fall in love with Korea after being hit with the hallyu wave and inundating themselves with K-pop and/or K-dramas. I'm no exception! I was dazzled by how beautiful the men and women on the screen were, and I was very vocal in my praise (much love to my friends and family back home who put up with my fangirling for so long lol). 

For a number of reasons, I decided I must go live in Korea--that was the country for me. I devoured all the info I could on expat life in Korea, but I was disturbed by reading some miserable experiences of overweight expats here. If you read those stories, please don't be scared off! I didn't let them me put me off, but I came to Korea four years ago expecting the worst. I'll relate some of things I discovered in that time without judgment. 

First of all, when you're watching your K-pop MVs and feeling bad about your body, just remember...

Not everyone is as beautiful as the celebrities we see on TV. I think that Korean people are in general very attractive and that Korea probably contains more good looking people on average than many countries. I'm biased, however, and have a definite preference for Korean features. The fact that not everyone looks like the models and K-pop idols won't stop them from TRYING to look that way though. Again, I don't mean everyone--some Koreans are perfectly happy with their appearance without constantly comparing it to the ideal. But that's the thing: there is a very specific "ideal" of beauty and it's pervasive in Korean society. Everywhere! On the subway, on the TV, walking down the street you'll get reminders that...

Beauty ideals are extremely specific. It's not enough to have a nicely proportioned and symmetrical face. You must have the V-line (jawline shaped like a 'v') and a small face. I still don't completely understand the small face thing after all my time here, but I know some friends who get made fun of for having large heads. That's just something that I never noticed, having grown up in the States where it's not something we're taught to notice. Even if you have the face shape down, skin tone is important for Korean beauty standards--the lighter the better. Also, having a "high nose" and big eyes is desirable along with those enviable straight brows. 

If you get frustrated, the many plastic surgery ads around Seoul offer suggestions lol.

As for your figure, slender bodies are preferred on men and women, though a woman should have as large breasts as are reasonable on her slight frame (that's flexible though--there are plenty of slim women with A-cups who still fit the ideal). Also, one should work out to make themselves slim in a way that doesn't give them big calves. Heaven forbid we see muscles on an in-shape set of legs (ok, I got a bit judgy there after all--sorry).

As there is a different cultural standard for beauty...

There is a different standard for politeness regarding weight. I can't recall a specific instance of this happening to me, but it probably has sometime in the last four years: a well meaning Korean colleague or friend will take you aside and kindly inform you that you really need to lose weight for your health. They don't mean to be rude at all, only helpful, and will offer to assist you or make suggestions of nutritionists or Chinese medicine clinics. The funny thing is that most of the friends I hear this anecdote are not really overweight, but are only fat by Korean standards (larger than a size 6).

Oh, wait! The first time I got a physical here the doctor had a very serious talk with me about my weight and suggested how many kilos to lose. Also, though it would hardly be spoken out loud, companies might hesitate to hire someone based on their weight. All jobs require recent photos submitted with the resume even before an interview, so just...be prepared. I've yet to lose out on a teaching job because of my weight, but now that I'm doing other things I'm mentally preparing for the worst because...

Korea isn't made for overweight people. First of all, it's very difficult to find plussized women's clothes in stores. Maybe it's easier online, but many foreigners' limited Korean skills makes that difficult. Also, as we plussized folks know, trying on clothes to check the fit is very important. More than that, however, many places and features are designed without large people in mind. I've many a time feared breaking a tiny stool or wobbly looking chair at a cafe.

Me at Lotte World

Public transportation and theme parks can also be difficult for people over a certain weight. I haven't personally gone on a ride a couldn't fit into, but it's been tight a few times. Some folks a little bigger than me can't fit into some rides at all. And yet...

There actually are overweight people in Korea. You certainly wouldn't know it from the Korean media, however, where the only overweight actors are comedians or gag men. Korean television is very careful to promote the idealized Korean beauty standard as, if not the norm, then something to aspire to. Nevertheless, there are walking, talking, breathing overweight people in Korea. As an overweight or obese person, you won't be gawked at like a circus freak in a country full of supermodels. I promise! There might be some uncomfortable moments, but as long as you're prepared for that, you can let it roll off your back. 

The hardest thing to get used to as a fat person in Korea is the constant expectation that someone will make a comment or be rude about your weight when meeting someone new.

Just know that, even though the dread is always there, it rarely ever happens. My most awkward moments have come from when I was teaching: children have no filters, or from random old women making passing comments to my friends. Something along the lines of "Oh, your friend would be really pretty if she lost weight!" I just do my best not to feel insulted and agree that I would indeed be prettier (at least according to the Korean standard) if I lost weight. But even if you feel unattractive sometimes, don't worry...

You can still date Koreans. For those of you who want to come to Korea and find a nice Korean bf/gf (for whatever reason, no judgment), don't get discouraged. If you don't let your self esteem get ruined seeing all of the beautiful, thin Koreans around you, it's absolutely possible to find a boyfriend/girlfriend no matter your body type. I'm a size 16 and have a wonderful boyfriend who, though having grown up with those specific ideals and expectations of beauty, loves me regardless. We have an open dialogue about my weight loss struggles, but I still know he thinks I'm beautiful and he wasn't the only one. I've seen people bigger than me dating Koreans and being perfectly happy. 

I think I started taking better care of my appearance in general, and specifically to makeup, hair, and skincare, since I got to Korea because those were aspects of my appearance I could immediately control and improve upon. Weight loss takes time, a good makeover doesn't. For me, making sure I'm put together every day gives me the boost of confidence I need to feel attractive in a country where my body is so far from the ideal.

I think that if you feel comfortable and let yourself be lovely, it will attract the right people. And even if it takes time...

It's so worth it. Despite all of the challenges, I find myself more motivated than ever to lose weight! I'm certainly more motivated than I was living in the States. For me, it took getting out of the routine and comfort of my own country to truly begin my weight loss journey. Even if I wasn't trying to lose weight, however, my love for Seoul and my life in Korea would make any number of unpleasant observations or suggestions related to my weight worth it. Do I think life will be easier in Korea if I lose more weight? Of course. The shopping options alone will change my life! However, even if I never lose another kilo, I wouldn't give up my life in Korea. I'm not naive enough to expect the strict standards of beauty here to dramatically change any time soon, but I sincerely hope people are not scared away from coming to Korea because they don't fit that standard. 

I've found my happiness here and am happy to share it with the world! Wherever you settle, please feel lovely in your own skin and trust your good qualities to recommend you to people worthy of your love! Feel free to comment with any questions about being overweight in Korea or any stories of your own. Have you had any unpleasant weight related moments in your time here? Let us know~^^

Kisses,

Angela

Dating Culture in Korea: WTF are Couple Shoes?

Hi Lovelies! I want to take a few minutes to talk about an aspect of Korean dating culture that I found strange at first, but now I think is totally charming: matching EVERYTHING for Korean couples! Well, you don't have to be Korean. It's just acceptable for couples who live here to take the lovey dovey matchy-matchiness to the next level in a way most of my North American friends would find revolting.

Exhibit A: matching couple tees. Check them out here!

It's considered perfectly normal here for couples to wear matching clothes, and I see plenty of cool guys walking around Seoul wearing matching t-shirts, hoodies, or even full outfits as their girlfriends and thinking nothing of it! It's so common here that no one even blinks. If you just search "couple tees" or "couple hoodies" on Amazon or ebay (I think ebay has cuter options), you'll likely find a lot of cheezy "His" and "Hers" couple themed options, but it doesn't have to be that lame. Shirts don't even have to be the same color/design either. My BF and I have couple polo shirts--his is grey and mine is red.

Ruined by me trying on my new Nike visor which, in his words, makes me look like a fast food worker. Oppaaaaa why so mean? T-T

So what level of this cuteness am I personally able to indulge in? My BF was a initially reluctant to embrace the idea of couple clothing, labeling it "lame" and "for kids" haha. But I finally talked him into letting us get couple shoes around our 300 days with the compromise that he chooses the style. We were initially going to get some Adidas Superstars, which were really trendy this spring, but EVERYBODY in Seoul was wearing them as couple shoes! So we found some really nice Reeboks that actually had his size (290 is big in Korea!). I think most couples choose men's styles because they go smaller, but women's sizes definitely don't go higher! I'm a US size 9 and can hardly find my size anywhere in Korea.

They were a good compromise--not too girly but not too manly. Perfect for both of us! 

On our one year anniversary, we also raided the Nike store and got couples workout clothes for playing basketball in the park, They don't match exactly, but they're black and white--very cute. ^^

My personal favorite is couple hair color!! This is less common, but I see it sometimes around Hongdae--a Seoul hub for street style and funky fashion trends. I would do this in a heartbeat!

Image courtesy of my girl Sara--check out her awesome Instagram here!

Another popular item here in couple rings, which is where my BF sadly draws the line (he has a strong no jewelry on dudes policy). However, I think it's super cute! It's common here to get couple rings as early as your 100 days anniversary! People tend to wear them like a wedding ring on their left ring fingers, so it was a bit confusing for me when I first got here. I was at a university and lots of the students had couple rings, so I'd ask "Oh, are you married?" They just laughed and explained. 

There are places around here in Hongdae where you can get couple rings specially engraved, but outside of Korea you can buy them online at tons of stores. 

You can find these here, but they're everywhere. Get a sweet message engraved!

Maybe BF will change his mind about the couple rings kkkk. By the way, I should say a word to explain the anniversaries in Korean dating culture! Unlike American style dating, which usually considers 1 year (maybe 6 months) as the first big dating milestone, Korean couples usually celebrate each hundred days leading up to 1 year. And I mean really celebrate! For our 100 days we went on our first road trio together to the beach for romantic 3 day weekend.

Love Love Love!

So, Korean dating culture is on a different scale than Western dating culture, and I love every minute of it! I didn't love it when I was single, however. It's hard not to give into your forever alone feels watching cute couples splitting heart shaped pizzas at Pizza Hut or snuggling in one of the two-seater couple seats at the movie theaters. The truth is, Korea markets to couples in so many ways, and appreciation for all the lovey dovey merchandise and menus probably won't be there until you're in a relationship. Or, do what I did, and try to appreciate the cute quirkiness of it without participating. When you're able to walk hand in hand with someone wearing the same shirt as you, it'll feel all the sweeter for the waiting.

What do you think? Would you and your BF/GF wear couple items? Which would you want to try first? ^^

Shopping in Itaewon

I went shopping in Itaewon today and found some nice clothes! The stores offer more options than most Korean stores, so I was happy to find something pretty! ^^

First we hung out in Hongdae for a bit...

That blue door makes a fun backdrop kk. Then, we checked out the shopping in Itaewon and I bought a few cute dressy outfits...

We also ate Mexican food for lunch and Greek food for dinner, so I'd say the day was a success! ^^

Where do you like to shop in Seoul? ^^

Love,

Angela

Here Comes Summer!!

Welcome to SeoulLovely! Yayyy! I finally got the new site up! This summer I'll finally have the time to start my dream blog!! I'm working on scripting some videos now on makeup tutorials and Korean skincare. Please leave a comment and let me know any requests! I'm thinking summer skincare and summer-proof Korean base makeup might be a good start. What do you think?

안녕하세요! 저는 미국에서 온 앤젤라입니다. ^^ 제 블로그에 오신걸 환영합니다! 제가 요즘 한국말을 공부하고 있는데요,  망설이지 마시고 한국말도 괜찮으니, 코멘트 많이 달아주세요 ^^ 한국말 연습에 많이 도움이 될거에요.

See you soon! Stay lovely~~~<3

Kisses,
Angela